I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Randomize