Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
