No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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