Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
