When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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