Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
