She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
