dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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