I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize