come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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