this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize