escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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