To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
