New invention idea: vibrating tampons
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
