I am in a vortex of obligation.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
