I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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