In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
