Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
