You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
