i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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