I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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