i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize