If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
smell my finger.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
