Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The power of my boobs compel you
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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