seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It's shark week go big or go home
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
