yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
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