apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
