Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Green mimosas i think yes
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
