why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
