I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
honey bunches of taint.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
