Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize