i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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