remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Randomize
