i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
