Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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