I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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