yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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