when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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