someone get that fucking seahorse.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
