You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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