I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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