So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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