are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
