oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
