Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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