It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
