I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
