i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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