we're chasing vodka with high fives
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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