I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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