am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
