a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize