he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
