My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
