He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
