just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
she pinky promised me she was 18
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
