Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
