Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
