you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
