I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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