I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
