wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
