If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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