Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
