Cold hands, warm shart.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
