last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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