Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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