i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
