Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
