is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
