she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I don't deserve a penis
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
