All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Terrible idea I love it
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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