I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
