You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
