Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
