Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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