you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
