My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize