So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
