Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
