I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
