I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
