I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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