He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
