So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
