Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
