I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize