Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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