i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
