I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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