But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
