Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Randomize
