I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
